[Verse]
I drove my Saracen through your garden last night,
I kicked your front door down around at midnight,
Something's telling me, boy, you're avoiding me,
And when I find you, you will go for your tea.

[Chorus]
Cause I've got a brand new shiny helmet and a pair of kinky boots,
I've got a lovely new flak jacket and a lovely khaki suit,
When we go on night patrol we hold each other's hands,
We are the British Army and we're here to take your land.

[Verse]
My good friend Bertie, he's in the UDR,
To look for weapons, he will go near or far,
Up around by Cappagh, you'd never find him there,
As the only gun he'll get there is an Armalite in his ear.

[Chorus]
And I've got a brand new shiny helmet and a pair of kinky boots,
I've got a lovely new flak jacket and a lovely khaki suit,
When we go on night patrol we hold each other's hands,
We are the British Army and we're here to take your land.

[Verse]
My good friend Trevor, he's in the RUC,
And now they've handed him his redundancy,
The folks along the border won't be seeing him anymore,
That Provo sniper will be missing him for sure.

[Chorus]
And I've got a brand new shiny helmet and a pair of kinky boots,
I've got a lovely new flak jacket and a lovely khaki suit,
When we go on night patrol we hold each other's hands,
We are the British Army and we're here to take your land.

[Verse]
My good friend Nigel, he's in the SAS,
He says, "A change is just as good as arrest",
And now they've gone and posted him way down to Crossmaglen,
He wishes to blazes he was back in jail again.

[Chorus]
And I've got a brand new shiny helmet and a pair of kinky boots,
I've got a lovely new flak jacket and a lovely khaki suit,
When we go on night patrol we hold each other's hands,
We are the British Army and we're here to take your land.

[Verse]
My good friend Sammy, he's in the DUP,
Outstanding member, as all the world could see,
I said, "Go up to Donegal if you want to have some fun",
He said, "I'll take a run there, if I have nothing on".

[Chorus]
And I've got a brand new shiny helmet and a pair of kinky boots,
I've got a lovely new flak jacket and a lovely khaki suit,
When we go on night patrol we hold each other's hands,
We are the British Army and we're here to take your land.

[Verse]
My good friend Martha, she's a good finch, can't you see,
And all the boys are say, "She's jolly good company",
When she sees a Saracen , she hops up inside,
She says, "Don't worry, boys, all I want is a ride".

[Chorus]
And I've got a brand new shiny helmet and a pair of kinky boots,
I've got a lovely new flak jacket and a lovely khaki suit,
When we go on night patrol we hold each other's hands,
We are the British Army and we're here to take your land.

[Verse]
My good friend Johnny, he's left the UDA,
He said, "The LVF have got it today",
Now that he's assembled all his soldiers for the fight,
He's got an appointment with his good mate Billy Wright.

[Chorus]
And I've got a brand new shiny helmet and a pair of kinky boots,
I've got a lovely new flak jacket and a lovely khaki suit,
When we go on night patrol we hold each other's hands,
We are the British Army and we're here to take your land.

[Verse]
I drove my Saracen through your garden last night,
I kicked your front door down around at midnight,
Something's telling me, boy, you're avoiding me,
And when I find you, you will go for your tea.

[Chorus]
And I've got a brand new shiny helmet and a pair of kinky boots,
I've got a lovely new flak jacket and a lovely khaki suit,
When we go on night patrol we hold each other's hands,
We are the British Army and we're here to take your land,
We are the British Army and we're here to take your land.