[Verse]
When I was young I had a twist,
For punching babies with me fist,
And then I thought I would enlist,
And join the British Army.

[Chorus]
Oh, too ra loo, ra loo, ra loo,
They're looking for monkeys up in the zoo,
And if I had a face like you,
I'd join the British Army.

[Verse]
When I was young I used to be,
As fine a man as ever you'd see,
And the Prince of Wales, he says to me,
"Come join the British Army."

[Chorus]
Too ra loo, ra loo, ra loo,
They're looking for monkeys up in the zoo,
And if I had a face like you,
I'd join the British Army.

[Verse]
Corporal Daly went away,
He left his wife in the family way,
And the only thing that she could say,
Was, "Blame the British Army."

[Chorus]
Too ra loo, ra loo, ra loo,
They're looking for monkeys up in the zoo,
And if I had a face like you,
I'd join the British Army.

[Verse]
Kilted soldeirs wear no drawers,
Maybe woud't you lend them your?
The poor shoukd always help the poor,
God save the British Army

[Chorus]
Too ra loo, ra loo, ra loo,
They're looking for monkeys up in the zoo,
And if I had a face like you,
I'd join the British Army.

[Verse]
Ian Paisley has teh drought,
Fill him up with Guinness's stout!
He'll beat the enemy with his mouth
And save the British Army.

[Chorus]
Too ra loo, ra loo, ra loo,
They're looking for monkeys up in the zoo,
And if I had a face like you,
I'd join the British Army.

[Verse]
We'll beat the enemy with a fuss,
And leave their bones out in the dust,
I know for they quite near beat us:
The gallant British Army.

[Chorus]
Too ra loo, ra loo, ra loo,
They're looking for monkeys up in the zoo,
And if I had a face like you,
I'd join the British Army.

[Verse]
So, if you're young and in your prime,
And fond of ever kind of crime,
I promise you a jolly good time
Inside the British Army.

[Chorus]
Too ra loo, ra loo, ra loo,
I've made me mind up what to do,
And I'll work me ticket home to you,
And I'd fuck the British Army.